Tag: shadow work

the uses of imagination

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The psyche consists essentially of images. It is a series of images in the truest sense, not an accidental juxtaposition or sequence, but a structure that is throughout full of meaning and purpose; it is a ‘picturing’ of vital activities.  

CG Jung

Last year, towards the end of a 10 day meditation retreat with a well known teacher, I sat the Yaza.  The Yaza is an all night sit – from 10pm to 6am the next morning.  The intrepid leader leads the small group through a sequence of traditional sitting and walking meditation, maybe a break for snacks, and the always entertaining yaza march – in which all the yogis line up and march military style around the neighborhood.

Somewhere around 4am, after the march, I was sitting and was visited by an Angel.

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Grief & saying goodbye

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This weekend I’m leaving my apartment that I’ve lived in for 7 years.

It’s hard.  Harder than I expected it to be.

The reasons I’m leaving are all so expansive and good.  In the past several months I’ve bought a house, I got engaged, and I’m moving on to a whole new phase of life.  I’m deeply excited about the future, but as the move gets close I’m also discovering more and more sadness around saying goodbye.  Not just to my apartment, but to a whole phase of life.

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Get out of the way

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When I close my eyes and sink into meditation, my experience often is an immediate sense of release.

Almost right away I feel my body sink into itself, I feel my awareness fall into a floaty state that is almost close to being relieved.  Relieved at not having to work so hard to process all my emotions and worries, like awareness is just taking a nice deep breath too.

The energetic tingles of concentration rise and as they do, so does – me.

The “me” that gets a little too excited.  

The “me” that says “I’M SUCH A GREAT MEDITATOR THIS IS SO COOL!”

The “me” that starts trying to expand and push the experience

The grasping me

The trying me

The overachieving me

The me that’s not ok with the present moment just as it is.  The me that’s always trying to make it better.  The goal oriented, task master, self-improvement, striving for perfection me.

And then…

I become aware of this me and I watch –

Another me arises seamlessly from the first -, the not good enough me, the broken me, the fighting against imperfection me, the negative, pessimistic me.

…. and then further down the me’s spiral….

to the angry me

the sad me

the fearful me

the emotional, irrational, helpless, child me.

…. and then as the emotion peaks and the images of past hurts and fears and regrets swirl around and begins to feel like too much…..

I remember…

to breathe
to watch
to take refuge
in this moment
as it is
just as it is
without trying to change it.

And I tell myself to get out of the way –
and when I do the whole universe is right there waiting for me, with open arms, in it’s deep womb of equanimity, love, and perspective.

When I find myself in an argument, or stand in line at the store, or get stuck in traffic, or get angry at work – I remember –

to breathe
to watch
to take refuge
in this moment
as it is
just as it is
without trying to change it

And I find in any moment, no matter the context, when I step out of the way – there she is.
The great undulating universe, waiting to hold me in equanimity and love.

And while I rest in this abiding – I’m able to navigate difficulty with greater clarity of what must be done, greater consideration of others, and far less worry and anxiety.

This is my practice.
I silently train every day to get out of my own way to let the infinite tingle of universal love in.