the Good Heretic

I’ve been thinking about Atheism a lot lately.  Not agnosticism, which I understand, but Atheism, which I do not understand.  It’s just far outside of my realm of experience, and I would like to know more about how those who identify as Athiests see the world.

It goes back to a conversation I had with some of my friends about science v religion.  There was a Lawyer/Computer scientist, a PhD chemist, a Microbiologist, an Environmental Engineer…. and me, the lone crazy wolf.  I felt like the token crazy person on a sitcom.

We had just visited the Museum of Jurrasic Technology, which we all found amazing but in different ways.  They appreciated the weirdness of it, and the logical puzzle the place presents, in trying to figure out what is going on.  I appreciated the common tie between each exhibit in the museum about personal transcendence.  The way in which each personal story presented represented a way in which that individual was atttempting to transmute mundane existence into a higher level of experience.  For it’s part, the museum itself does the same to these oddball stories that are so obscure in their own right that they would just dissipate into the cob-webby corners of history without it.

I was fascinated by the stories of transcendence, and saw a common thread throughout the facility.  There were the obvious exhibits about religion and trying to reach god in various ways.  But there were the other stories, like the man who collected the decaying dice, and the theory of the planes of existence based on the bisection of a pyramid.  There are of course also the secret knots and the hunt for god through the study of magnetism.

Each one of the stories began with a mundane concept, like dice or a bridge, and tells the story about how the obsessive study of such a mundane thing, lead someone along to a kind of spiritual transendence.  Perhaps that’s not the intent of the museum, but that is what I took from it.

Later that night we had a discussion about transendence.   I thought for sure that this group would appreciate my take on it, since I am not opposed to science by any stretch of the imagination.  I actually am a firm believer that the two do in fact exist in the same space despite their polarities.

I explained my theory that everyone regardless of their level of religious or spiritual beliefs experience, at some point in time, a moment of transendence.  A scientist watching a cell divide, an artist creating something they never thought possible, a lawyer having an “A Ha!” moment.  Falling in Love.  Babies and puppies and the first snowfall.  All those little magical tidbits that make life so wonderful I see as tiny pockets of transcendence in an otherwide grey and cold world.

I thought that this was a theory that most people would agree with, but was surprised when they explained that they didnt’ see any of these things as transcendental.  Snow is cold water falling from the sky, cells divide because that’s just what they do, we fall in love because of hormones and neurons firing off in our brains.  It’s not that they don’t find pleasure in these things, but that they attribute that pleasure to scientific principles.

I found this view of the world totally pessimistic.  But they aren’t unhappy people.  I’m trying to figure out what gives here.  Is there some sort of magic that they are missing in their lives?  Perhaps it is a rhetorical issue, perhaps they have a problem labeling these moments with a word that they see as so far divorced from logic.

I don’t understand why these things can’t exist at the same time.  I know that snow is just cold water.  I know that I fall in love because my brain is firing off electric impulses.  I’m not deluded, but I see these as evidence of something larger, and I suppose the difference between them and myself is that they just don’t.

My issue with athiesm isn’t the same issue that the hard-core religious might have.  My issue is one of smaller degrees.  The importance of religion in culture, the way that entire communities self-identify with religion.  I feel that the loudest athiest voices attribute all the problems in the world to religion, and refuse to see the positive place that religions around the world play to various cultures, and societies.  Religion is the glue that hold people together for good and for bad.  It gives people hope, and encourages them to push through tough times.  It’s true that it seems like religion more often than not is used as a tool for extremists, as a scapegoat for the media, but I feel like the positive role of religion and spirituality in marginalized groups all over the world has been completely discounted.

As a spiritual person of an admittedly extremely amorphous belief system, I seem to often be at the negative end of this debate.  My scientist friends all think I’m delusional to various degrees, and I have rarely spoken openly to them about my frame of mind, because I know that there is nothing I will be able to say to convince them that I am not delusional.  For a while I tried to argue until I realized the futility of it.  It’s like arguing with a born-again christian about Christianity.  There is no point in laboring over an argument that will never enlighten either side.

I feel that science is easy because of it’s quantifiable, observable, and predictible nature.  Spirit is hard, and complicated, and is so entwined in what it means to be human that in my view… it’s not going anywhere.  I think that the scientific community needs to concede that there will always be faith despite science, and to be respectful of spirituality.   I think that the religious communities of the world need to be more open in embracing the discoveries of science.  Spirituality should move like a river through time, and not grow stagnant.

Finding the edges where science and spirituality mingle together is truly transcendent.

One of the biggest complaints I hear from midwesterners who have migrated to southern california (and there are a LOT of them, you’d be surprised) is that there aren’t any seasons here.  I admit, I have been guilty of this myself.  Of course, if you get me started talking about how awful snow is I won’t stop until you give up and walk away.

Yesterday morning though, I felt that familiar twinge.  Folks who live in the midwest (and probably any other place that has real seasons) know what I’m talking about.  It’s not dramatic.  It’s very subtle.  The leaves haven’t changed, but there’s something different, a little spark.  The air is a little cooler, and everything is a little sharper.  The haze is on vacation.

It’s not a real season, but it’s close.  The clouds hung low over the city earlier this week like a cozy comforter, and when it was lifted up, there was fall, just hanging out.  It’s much more subtle here.  Tomorrow it will probably be 80 degrees, but I can still feel fall.

Maybe it’s because my body is just expecting fall to pounce around this time of year.  Who knows, but fall tapped on my shoulder this week and made me smile.

I haven’t updated in a while!  As far as the visions go, I have had things teeter back and forth, sometimes clicking into place and other times falling away.

At the time of the creation of my vision board, my garden was dying in the heat!  All my herbs and vegetables were turning brown, with dying leaves and wilting flowers.  I am happy to report that they have all rebounded, and in spades!  The basil and chard that I thought for sure was done for, are both going crazy with new growth.  We just ate our first tomato, and our green peppers are getting bigger every day.  It’s awesome!

One of my biggest life issues when I was creating my vision board was my feeling of security.  My job is constantly in flux (as all entertainment jobs are), never really knowing how long I’ll be working, and not making a whole lot doing it.  I’m concerned about financial stability in the midst of all that turmoil.  I had a bit of a breakthrough/breakdown, and shortly afterwards was offered a new position with a pay bump, which was just what I needed to feel a little more comfortable with my career.  I still don’t have a “real” job, but I have what feels like a little more stability, with definate opportunities to advance within the company, and I’m feeling a little better about it.

I have more to share, but it will have to wait while I finish up some freelancing work!  Have a beautiful sunday my lovlies.

This post has nothing to do with either oranges or antelopes.  I am am not particularly good with blog title lines.  Perhaps I will get better.

Last week we planted some stuff in the ground!  It was such a nice afternoon.

There have been some challenges since then, and I just got off the phone with some friends who are so amazing and insightful and always give me new ways to approach life challenges.

They recommended, as they often do when the discussion turns to things involving life planning, to set goals.  I always have been a big proponent of “having a plan”, breaking a big problem down into more maneagable bits.  Setting goals is a little different though, and I have to admit it’s something I have not necessarily been really great at doing.  I’ve always been more of the plan making type.

So talking with them about goal setting was really inspirational.  We talked about setting goals not just for specific external things like career advancement or travel or whatever but also for internal things.  Goals on how to be a better person.  I like the idea of sitting down and making a personal list of goals.  Things like:  I want to be the type of person that I would respect.  Goals for your values and morality.  Long term goals like releasing fears and short term goals like controlling your temper.  I have definately thought about these things and already basically have this list together, but I think it would be nice to really lay it all out.

Long term and short term goal list, for Sophia2.0.  Next time!

In my attempts to ellicit some extra connection with the natural world, my darling Mr.X and I started a little container garden.

By little I mean… green and orange peppers, big tomatoes, cherry tomatoes, habanero peppers, dill, cilantro, mint, basil, chard, garlic chives, and two types of pretty flowers.

It was great!  Mr. X and I don’t necessarily have the same spiritual belief systems.  But sometimes we find a way to come together in the middle.  His interest in environmental sustainability, and not wanting to spend any money on something he could get for free (or at least a small investment), and my desire to connect more with the earth dovetailed nicely into an afternoon in the garden.

Now I just get to wait until we have some actual vegetables!  We got plants that were already established instead of going the seed route, so it won’t be that bad.  Our big tomato plant already has a big green tomato on it!

I went out this morning and plucked all the flowers off of the herb plants to encourage them to grow more leaves instead of flowers, and I checked to see at what point the sun started hitting them in the morning.  We’ll monitor throughout the day to see how many hours of full sun they get, so we can move them if we have to.  They’re all in containers, so that will be easy.

And there you go.  My little moment of zen yesterday.

One of the main reasons most folks turn to spirituality or religion is to help them make sense of their everyday lives.  Folks with well defined sacred texts have it easy.  Clearly laid out outlines on how to deal with individual circumstances that might come up day to day.  Along with that, a lot of folks have hundreds of years of well documented scholarship into making sense of said sacred texts.  Not for us spiritual wanderers.  We get to come up with our own ways of dealing with lifes challenges, though looking towards the spiritual scholarship in the great reilgions of the world is a fantastic place to start.  They are all pointing towards the same truths.  Along with taking tips from Mohammed and Jesus, I have come up with my own system of coping.

You know all those dream books that you have cluttering up your shelf?  The ones about symbollism and making sense of seriously strange nocturnal fairy tales?  Well, I like to apply these things to my regular daily life.

Take for example one of my closest friends.  I won’t go to far into her particular situation, but let’s just say she had a stream of seriously bad luck.  Her car was broken into, she had an infestation of all sorts of insects (including bed bugs!  Eep!), she had other personal property messed with and stolen.  Coincidentally, she was also going through a rough patch with her signifigant other, in which their relationship had taken on a third party, namely the ex.  Not her ex, her SO’s ex.  Her SO’s great, and there weren’t any shenannigans, but the whole situation was weighing heavily on my friend’s relationship.  Combined with all the weird bad luck (in the course of only a week or two!), she was on the verge of having a meltdown.

She came to me for advice, and this is what I told her.  “It seems like you are investing so much emotionally in this intruder in your relationship, that you are manifesting intrusions in other aspects of your life.  Literally.”

She was a little taken aback.  While she came to me just to vent, she’s also interested in my weird way of seeing things, so I’d like to think she was also looking for a unique perspective.

I told her about how you could look at all the bad luck just like it were a dream, if it were a dream, what would it mean to you?  How would you interpret it?  What would you learn if you looked at it symbolically.  I explained to her that all the bad luck she was having had the common denominator of being intruded, and being vulnerable.  I reminded her that for months she had been obsessing over her SO’s ex, who would not let her go, and that all the themes of her past conversations with me on the topic were all about feeling like there was an outisde force threatening her security in her relationship.

It was like a little lightbulb went off in her head.  I advised her to have a nice long chat with her SO about the situation with the ex, and really make it plain that it was time to cut ties.  She did, and the SO listened.  And the various intrusions on other areas of her life stopped.

That is the power that manifestation can have.  You don’t have to be super spiritual to manifest.  I see a lot of my super scientific friends manifesting things all the time that they can’t control or make sense of.  Some folks are just great at it even if they don’t believe in the concept.  If you do believe in the idea of manifesting, you can steer it to accomplish your goals, and prevent it from causing added stressors in your already stressful life.

Making sense of what is going on, and looking at things symbolically, can often help to re-wire these negative manifestations towards things that are more positive.

I’m pleased to report that they are still in a happy relationship, and that the ex has not been mentioned in months.

It’s funny, this morning before braving the harowing commute across Los Angeles to work, I decided to write for 10 minutes about my morning routine. Ironically (if that is the correct usage), I didn’t have enough time to finish that post. So here it is, in my drafts folder. I only got to the title “10 Minutes” before I realized that I only had 0 minutes before I had to leave.

So, now that I’m home on a lovely friday afternoon I suppose I will pick that back up again. This is either going to be the most dull post ever, or interesting. I personally find other people’s morning routine’s interesting. Being the spiritual seeker that I am, I’m really interested in the day to day ways that other spiritual people live their lives, and how and when they incoporate their spirtuality in their hectic lives.  I’m a really busy person, as you’ll see I don’t have much time to set aside, so I attempt to multi-task.

I recently, as in the past few months, became employed. As I live in Los Angeles (which I don’t mind sharing as this city is so ginormous), I of course work in the entertainment industry (which I also don’t mind sharing, since I think everyone here works in the entertainment industry). I won’t tell you what I do, but I will tell you that I work on a relatively popular television show.  Don’t bother asking me which one, since it will inevitably lead to questions regarding things to which I’ve been sworn to secrecy.

Also, work is pretty much as far away from where I live as i think is possible within the city limits. Which means I need to allow about an hour for my 10 mile commute. That being said, I have a very stringent morning routine.

I wake up at about 6:30, or at least I try to. And every morning (or at least the majority of them) I’m greeted by the evil Jillian Michael’s who kicks my ass in her 30 day shred for about 25 minutes. I’m only on level 2 now, and it took me way way longer than the 10 recommended days to get out of level 1. On about day 5 I started noticing that I had actual muscles, and on about day 10 I noticed that my jeans were too big. Oh evil Jillian, thank you for your evil evil wake up calls.

After that I start the coffee (or the teapot, depending on my mood), and let the dog outside into the garden. On the days that I feel the spirit move me I go up there with her and just have a nice quiet moment of reflection while she’s doing her doggy thing. I sincerely wish that I had more time in the morning to spend 20 minutes in meditation, which would be my ideal. It’s quiet, and there’s no one around asking things of me, and after Jilian’s ass kicking I have no desire to drift off to sleep. Someday, I’ll have the motivation to wake up even earlier and start doing just that.

After that I shower, which is where I try to squeeze in my daily self-reiki treatment. Just in the shower, 10 minutes or so, using whatever hand positions/symbols move me. It’s so cleansing and refreshing, and afterwards I really feel like I have taken care of both my body and my soul all in one swoopy hour.  On a sidenote, I also do the same thing while drifiting off to sleep at night, which is the what my reiki master taught me to do, and which is what I will teach my students to do, should I ever happen to aquire any.

After that it’s downstairs to grab a cup of coffee/tea, and I spend a few minutes online catching up with friends and the news, doing research into whatever spiritual thing I’m thinking about at that moment, and sometimes even writing if I managed to take a short enough shower and not hit the snooze button a bunch of times. Then I pour the rest of my coffee in a travel mug, load up my loose leaf tea tumbler with some leaves, throw my laptop and my tea tumbler and my purse and my cord in my bag. I then hike up the block to my car, where it’s inevitably been parked since there is no parking anywhere on my street, and begin my awesome 45 minute commute through rush hour traffic on the notorious los angeles highways.  As I get my car started and start driving down the street I visualize a bright blue protective bubble around my car, and usually say something out loud along the lines of “Please gods, don’t let me die on these stupid highways this morning."  I also play little intuition games in traffic, which I will elaborate on sometime in the future.  I think "How to stay spiritually sane on your morning commute” could be a post all by itself.

In the past couple years I’ve become very conscious of taking care of myself. I’ve quit smoking, and have been reading labels on EVERYTHING I eat. I’ve become extremely conscious of what goes into my food, where it comes from and all that good stuff. I’m not militant about it, but I try to do the best I can. That being said, I normally skip breakfast at home, and just eat something free when I get to work. Usually a banana. Yummy yummy pottasium. I understand that the best time to eat my banana is probably shortly after my workout, which is what I’ve been reading about lately. Unfortunately, the last time I bought bananas at my one a day pace I couldn’t get through them before the last few turned all brown and mushy. So, hopefully I will still get the benefits of a post-workout banana a couple hours after the fact.

And there you go, if you’ve made it this far I salute you. Next post….. what the hell kind of pagan are you anyways?

True Blood is one of my favorite shows on television.  It’s a well-thought out show, and last season at least was really spiritually heavy, which is brave for a television show.  Not many shows try to go there.

I found all of the last season to just be fantastical playground of interesting religious allegory, and the last scene with the bull was probably one of the most poignant spiritual moments I’ve seen on television well…. ever.  There’s a lot of buildup, but in case you need a refresher on the end bit, here you are:

So, what ARE you anyways?  I’ve droned on about what I’m not, but what am I?

Well, let’s start with the literal.  I’m a Reiki Master.  Which to be honest, is a term I hate.  I’m certainly not a master, I don’t feel like a master, and I don’t really think others would see me as a master.  It seems like the label is just there for our western sensibilities that like to associate achievment with things like degrees and job titles and such.  I’m a Reiki Master, but I’m really just constantly learning and evolving.  I’d like in the future to write an entire post dedicated to the ways I try to incorporate reiki into my daily life.  Like I said in the previous post, I’m a busy woman.  I like to multi-task.  I try to find whatever odd moments in the day I can, and play little reiki and intuition games.  More on that later.

I value having a living spirituality, one that adapts and changes with my needs.  I am drawn to the idea of ritual and magic and I find these things to be simply beautiful ideas.  I have however had the unfortunate experience of actually trying to make them a part of my practice and just feeling well… silly.  I can’t tell you how much I’ve wanted to not feel silly doing these things, but I can’t help it.  I’ve tried over and over and I always just end up focusing on how self-conscious I feel even though it’s just me all by myself.  I decided that no matter how beautiful the idea of formal ritual is, if all it’s doing is making me feel silly, it’s not going to get me to that point of focus where I can grow.  I still do rituals of sorts, but they are simpler, and more focused on meditation, grounding and visualization than they are on spell casting or anything like that.

As far as tools and things go.  I used to have dozens of various witchy knick knacks and things.  Athame’s and chalices and tons of books and a huge incense collection and all sorts of fancy things.   I had several boxes worth of pagany books on all sorts of topics.  When I moved to California I donated all of them to a local pagan group, keeping only my tarot cards and books, my pendulum, and my crystal collection.  I hope they are all happy where they are.  I occasionally find myself missing my books, but I realized that I was looking so hard for something outside of myself in books and tools and all, that I was completely forgetting the most important part of any spirituality:

And you who seek to know Me,
know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not,
unless you know the Mystery:
for if that which you seek,
you find not within yourself,
you will never find it without.

And so I got rid of all of it, except for a few things, and decided to start looking within.  Since then I’ve come across a few miscellaneous books that I’ve gotten for free, such as the Course in Miracles, along with a few healing books that align with my Reiki practice.  I’m trying not to go back to being a spiritual hoarder, though hoarding in other areas still needs some work (ugh, you should see my closet!)

The most important part of my spirituality is transcendence, as I mentioned earlier.  Traditional pagan paths look towards the old ways for guidance on spiritual development.  My take on the path to spiritual development is anthropological.  Spirituality is about connection, to yourself, to the universe, to other people.  The main goal of any religion or spirituality is to give life purpose through that connection.  That’s it, pretty simple.

In the old days, in agrarian societies, it made sense to look for omens in falling brooms and baying cattle.  But for me, in Los Angeles, I just don’t have a connection to that lifestyle.  I am connected to the honking horns, the street vendors, farmer’s markets, grafitti, and crowds of people.  Let’s not forget my plethora of technological doo dads.  I can’t remember the last time I heard a cow moo, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never run through a field of wild lavender.  Mugwort and Nightshade are not herbs I can pluck walking down the street to the coffee shop.  There are no rowan or oak trees growing nearby from which I can harvest wood for a wand.  These things became spiritual because they were at one point woven into the fabric of the people who were living around them.  I have more of a connection to the morning glories and roses and apricots growing in my garden than I do to most of the plants listed in herbal correspondences.   In taking a lesson from the great faiths of the past, I want to find ways to utilize my environment to foster my spiritual connection.  Which can be…. a challenge to say the least.  I’m still learning the best way to do this, which is mostly what this blog is about.