White noise

Lately I’ve been feeling a little off-kilter energetically.  It’s interesting that the longer I meditate the more familiar I become with my personal energetic flow and when something is a bit off.  Only now, when things are a bit off they feel so magnified and hard to ignore – like I’m crawling out of my skin.

I’m starting to realize why strict yogis of all traditions minimize or eliminate stimulants such as caffeine – after years of feeling  fairly immune to the effects of caffeine in the past few week I’m noticing more and more the energetic shift in my body that it causes.

When there’s any disruption in the force at all I have a hard time staying focused in meditation or maintaining that feeling of connection that’s so apparant otherwise.  Lately it’s shown up in other more overt ways as well – snoring, nonsensical and anxiety laced dreams, and occasional bouts of nausea while meditating

Right now work has been fairly intense – I’m finally doing my dream job and loving every minute of the actual work, but it’s longer hours and a bit more pressure than I’m used to.  I also have travel coming up today for thanksgiving where I’ll be visiting my partner’s family.  While I don’t feel overtly nervous or stressed about the trip I think it’s rippling out into my consciousness anyways, and revealing some insight about how I am feeling unsettled over it.  When you add the ongoing political turmoil and drama that’s been unfolding over the past few weeks I can see why things feel out of sorts.

I feel all of this disturbance as a white noise in my field of awareness.  The buddha said that our mind is like a pool, and any disturbances to the pool will make meditation difficult.  I think this is what he means – I feel like the wind if blowing strongly across my pool, just enough to disrupt the stillness without being over the top.