Dissociation Vs. No Self

Noting practice always leaves me feeling a little spacey while running through my day. The experience of recognizing that I’m just a jumble of sense experiences all mashed together into a physical being with no real “self"leaves me feeling a bit disconnected from what I’ve always considered myself.   While this detachment from my inner core loosens, I’m simultaneously experiencing sensory things in a much more intense way.  It’s all a little disconcerting.

Since I’ve only just gotten started I was a little concerned about what that might mean for my general sanity as I progress.  In particular, I suspect that I’m connecting to the idea of no-self in noting practice and part of me is a little scared of having a psychological break, or dissociation.  I got stuck for a while on what exactly the difference was between peak spiritual experience and psychological break- and if there even was a difference.

So last night I asked my therapist about it.  I’m lucky that I have a well renowned highly academic therapist who also happens to be a meditation and Buddhist practitioner – so she’s very supportive of my practice and helping me along – though she makes it clear that she’s my therapist and not my meditation guide!  Fortunately I have other supportive folks in those roles.

Anyways, I asked her what the difference was between a break such as dissociation, and the experience of "no-self”.

It took her a while to form her thoughts around the subject, but she finally landed on the idea that while dissociation happens in cases of extreme trauma as a way to dissociate from the present moment – the experience of no-self happens as a reaction to being connected so intimately with “everything” that the self dissipates into the cosmos.  In short, the no-self experience is unifying.

So the difference, in her option, is coming at the state through a desire to disconnect vs coming to the state through a desire to connect.

Based on experiences that others have shared, I’d say that this take resonates with me fairly deeply.  While cessation and no-self are still fairly terrifying thoughts, I’ll take this analysis as a comfort.